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Fear

Fear.

Fear of so many things, as I look forward to going on a mission trip.

I fear the rejection of people. It's an inevitable reality that not everyone who hears the good news chooses to repent and believe. Yet I am called to share all the same.

I fear my own failure to share Christ to others. I am not a good speaker, let alone with unfamiliar languages. Sometimes I don't have the courage to bring up the topic of the gospel. But cleansed by Jesus' sacrifice, my response must be "Here I am, send me" (to preach the good news)

I fear my character. They say you only truly see a person's character when he faces struggles. No doubt the mission trip will bring about a good many of these. Yet we know we stand before the throne of God above, having a perfect spotless righteousness because of the risen Lamb of God.

And, strangely, I fear being used by God for His purposes. I fear giving up all the world for all God's world. I fail to trust in God's promises for those who seek and serve Him, but instead cling to a world where we catch only mere shadows of God's eternal plan. It troubles me, it "eats away" at me. I fear the conviction that God has set upon me to do this for Him. I fear He will use it to call me to more.

But in it all, I pray that He will turn my heart back to Him, to turn me to trust in His promises and see His dominion over all things.
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